That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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