She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
