last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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