she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
