so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
