I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
