please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
