i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize