thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
