i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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