does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
