I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We don't watch enough power rangers
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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