Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
