I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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