so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I believe in your delicious
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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