So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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