I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
