you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We need a shit load of segways right now
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
