Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Are we still banned from the library?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
