she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
