I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
