I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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