Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
