you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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