i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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