Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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