wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
