WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
