I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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