Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
