There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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