it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize