you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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