I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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