Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
one might say we're banned from that church
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
