and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
how drunk are you?
Several
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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