so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
