AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
