well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
