Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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