Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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