Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
