Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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