She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
