I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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