just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
