Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
