saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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