So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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