Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
