dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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