Screwed.edu
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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