ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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