I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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