Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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