After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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