I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
