you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize