he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
