If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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