remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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