I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
