sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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