we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
