I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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