dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize