Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
