It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
