I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
